January 2006


If I could kill time wouldn’t that be something?

I’d be a god

But I can’t so I write another poem

Try & write something positive

But how can I when I am surrounded by idiots

My mother is a brainwashed savage

The Seventh Day Adventists killed her

Then Comrade Canuck animated her corpse

She is a prime example of what’s happening in Canada

One by one the population is dying

I sit here in the world’s largest prison

Screaming for someone to save me

Wake up

Or just too talk too

The last decent alive folks I met were Americans

The odd Calgarian was alive

99.99% of Canada is dead

I walk amongst the corpses

Smell the rot

I thought I smelled bad some days

But this nation reeks

Someone get me out of here

If not drop a ham radio near my location

It’s been so long since I talked to someone

Of course when deep in thought

The monster comes to talk to me

Comrade Canuck is trying to squash all free thought

Be careful when wandering the strange barren wasteland called Soviet Canuckistan

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Anyhow since I can’t really play with this as much as is possible if I were hosting it on my own site the pictures will be tiny & not as dynamic as they could be. If anything it is a minor exercise to get my brain working somewhat artistically but also simply. Maybe I should just go for autistic, lol. Anyways instead of some text heavy entry or whatever I’ll just do this quicky. It’s late. Almost 6:00 a.m. I gotta’ get back on some kinda’ schedule & break away from this free fall I’ve been in. Yeah maybe that’s what’s going on. I’ve fallen, but at the bottom something has popped up. It just goes to show that no matter how dire your situation  is, sooner later something new will pop up. Whether or not it’s what you want or need is another question.

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Well today I finally told my mom that if I don’t get her to sign my birth certificate tommorow I was in deep crap, cuz basically I am. I owe the credit card companies a lot of money. I more or less said if I don’t get you to admend it to include my father who is an American citizen that I was more or less dead, cuz in a way I am. Yes I have angered my country’s government too much. I guess exposing how many terrorists call Canada home was a bit much for them so they took it upon themselves to make my life miserable. I have to laugh because as much as they have tried to squish me they have made me that much more adaptable (I am the Jason Bourne Lite of this country, & no I have not lost my memory for you kooks who think I have). I have learned a lot of new tricks in my recent journies. Anyhow back to my mom. Also the bonus with that is I can more than likely immigrate to the US after or go join the US Army reserves seeings as how I am too old now to join the regular forces which Canada is absolutely delighted with. I could’ve made it into special forces, but I guess I’ll just have to accept that door is now closed. Another thing is if & when I do get my birth certifacate I can then go about applying for my status. With a status card I can zip back & forth between the two countries at my convienence. Wow, that sounds sweet escpecially considering the fact I could finally escape these wretched winters & maybe go somewhere down south.

 I called my dad up last night & talked to him for a bit. I love history. Our familly history is kinda’ neat as well, atleast on my dad’s side. Let’s see he was in the Canadian Forces, his dad was in the US Air Force in WW2 (I’m not sure but I think he was a bomber pilot in WW2, that would explain my fascination with the a-10 Warthog, & might explain why when I went to a Rememberance Day ceremony I was flooded by images of what some bombers pilots & crew went through, perhaps someone was there who fought in the same battle or was on the same ship as gramps), there was a Shawnee Medicine woman in our familly she was kinda’ famous there was some article about her in Wild West Magazine, we also have some kinda English lady in there as well from wayback when Elenore Something, then add to that Britsh Knights, & who knows what else, of course there is me & my half brother, we have not done anything spectaculair yet that I’m aware of or willing to admit too, lol.

 Life is crazy. My former comrades from Single Onion have blocked me from e-mailing them. I guess I have grown to American for their liking, yes I am a capitalist pig kinda’ sorta’, they don’t like that. Anyways what does it matter anyways, they were just some kinda’ novelty anyways. Now  I understand why other members have departed. I departed a long time ago of my free choice. They weren’t ambitious enough, nor professional enough. I recall how several times I would sit there at a scheduled meeting & no one would be there. Finally a half hour to 45 minutes later they would start to trickle in. I guess they didn’t think other people had lives & needed to get on with them. Anyways I wish them all the best. Yes that is the great thing about being an artist especially when you learned your craft in Cowtown where they let you do your own thing & leave you alone & let you devellop. Of course at a certain point they latch onto you like leeches, then when you go sailing beyond them theyget kinda’ cheezed. Art is strange.

Anyhow these 3 pics you see at the top were thumbnails from stills I extracted from some of my videos that were on my site. One day I will return fear not, & of course there will be more videos & music & my usual craziness.

If you ever get hungry & only have some kraft dinner & some kinda noodles & some spices you might want to try this. It is not a gourmet meal but it spices up ordinary things somewhat.

1. Get a medium sized pot, fill it half way with cold water & bring to a boil, then add margarine, butter, or some inda’ oil. Motor oil isn’t recommended nor anything like that, use common sense, please.

 2. Add kraft dinner or some kinda’ macaroni, then reduce heat to medium & stir occasionally.

3. After 3 minutes or when macaroni is kinda cooked add the ichian or oriental noodles. Be sure to break the noodles up into really small pieces if you want to experience the texture this meal has to offer.

 4. Let noodles & macaroni cook until soft which should be another 3-5 minutes.

5. Remove pot from stove or fire & pour contents into a strainer over the sink or where ever is appropriate if you are out camping. (Yes I forgot you can make this while camping although I never have.)

6. Return strained contents to pot & then add the spice pack & cheese pack. Throw in some margarine or butter, a good shot of milk( I held the milk jug sideway for 3 seconds). If you have spices it’s a good time to add these. I use mainly worchestire sauce, soy sauce, & hot sauce when cooking. 10 shots of each into the mixture should be sufficient.

7. Mix all the contents together until there are no more chunky bits of cheeze or spice. The colour should look like cheeze sauce that the dog has thrown up. M-m-m-m-m. It should look that way as well. It might smell that way also depending on your cooking skillz.

8. Optional, if you have real cheese grate some up & throw it on top then stick it in the microwave or cover until melted. Also if you like tuna, open up a can of that & toss it in there as well. You can cook the tuna before hand if you want also to add a more cooked flavor. Anyways experiment with variations.

9. Sit down at the table & enjoy.

A typical serving of this can feed one person, or 2 people who are on a diet or are starving. Yes as an actor & artist I fall into the starving category all too often, lol.

Bon-ap-a-tit!

Jeez just when I thought I’d forget her

Lucinda freakin’ Williams comes on the radio

Not one song

Not two or three songs

But a whole concert

& once again I go driving down the backroads of Michigan

With my summer time friend

The moon above us

Lucinda on the radio

Me in the passenger seat

Looking forward, then sideways

A short & sweet diversion that I tried to extend

I should’ve just left it at that

A day at the Lake

A day riding down the state trail

But no

The poet in me had to want more

Then the paranoia which I’ve come to know

Assainated everything

A good spy movie

That just turned out depressing

No winners

No losers

Just…………

Longing

The pedal steel guitar kicks out some long haunting notes

Like the length of the road since then

Some 7,000 miles ago

Factor in trains

Some planes

& who knows what the total is

Anyhow that is in the past

What lies down the road now?

 *****************************

Lara I am sorry for being such a fool

But I know somewhere deep down inside your cold heart

You enjoyed my craziness as much as I did

You just waited to stomp on my heart

& I gleefully presented it you

 

 

sexy beast                                                                                                                           sexy beast                        

 

 That is the trick with this, feeling it out, seeing what you can & can not do. I was going to ramble on about something or write a poem, but tonight as well as so many other days lately has gone to the beasts. So in honour of beasts that come in many forms & people I will salute you, just this once. Here is a lovely critter I ran into at some exhibiton.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

days gone by  Where did it all go wrong, lol? I am so far over the edge now I have no idea what to do. My mother has lied to me about the rent on her apartment. Today I got home to see a note delivered by the landlord that says she owes over 2 months back rent. They are on the verge of changing the locks since it is now considered an abandoned unit under some law or whatever. How did I get here? Well it’s a long story that covers Canada & the U.S. , the internet & other madness.

  I used to live in Clagary. I was more or less the king. Or so folks had dubbed me that. Anyways this story is so convullted I don’t think I can really abbreviate it, so I will start even further back when things would change for so many people. One year before 9-11 I stood upon Crescent Heights hill overlooking the city skyline. Damn what a nice city Calgary is. Anyhow I just sensed something wrong I could not place a finger on it. I called the army & said “hey I think something is really wierd I don’t know what but something is”. They never called me back or anything like that.

  September 11th. It was raining I was out in the field watering parks of all things with some crazy italian. We heard on the news a plane had crashed into some building in New York. We thought it was some tiny plane. We got back to the compound for break & learned even more details, then the 2nd plane hit & you know the rest. We sat there discussing things, the really tall towers in downtown were evacuated & the planes started piling up on the runways. I decided that day I’d join the Canadian Forces. Parks being one of the most outlandish departments in the city when it comes to personnel is filled with all sorts of colourful charecters. A lot of folks know me & knew what I was about, little did I know exactly what kinds of folks were there. I guess I fit some profile perfectly & the next thing you know someone is asking me if I want to go join special forces in Afghanistan & catch Osamam Bin Laden. I guess when the “You’re not afraid to die are you?” thing came up I hesitated for a second. Anyhow this particulair person had kept an eye on me since then.

  I tried to enlist with the Canadian Forces but they are bungling fools & it took me nearly 2 years to get the wheels rolling. Anyways I passsed all my interviews with flying colours & the way I had filled out my application they seen I was not your average joe & when it came to a certain interview I had 2 people sit in on it instead of what normally is only 1. I have no idea what they saw, but life let’s just say got a little bit more wierder than it normally was. I recall one night after they fingerprinted me I had a nose bleed & the fluid that came out of my nose was really dark almost black blood & some kinda’ other thick yellowish see through fluid.

  By wierd I mean ever since I reached a certain age due to being trained in mountain survial, handy with small arms, & skilled in a few things I came to the attention of many folks. This was also due to me getting pissed drunk & during blackouts calling overseas & talking to whoever was on the other end of the line. Several times I had mysterious visitors show up at my door & strange things go on. I guess I got used to it & thought nothing of it after awhile, it had become normal & I looked forward to meeting all kinds of curious folks.

  Okay so now we continue on. The C.F.  was slow. I had internet access. I did a lot of scouring around on the net for my own research. I had dabbled in many things some would consider esoteric but that has always given me an edge. Anyhow I had somehow wandered into a chessgame of sorts I guess you could say & things just got even wierder. People showing up again, people tampering with my computers, being under survielance & the list goes on & on.

  To the normal people of Calgary I was something of a mystery & to be somewhat feared since they knew so little about me & what they didn’t know they made up. Those who knew me knew me well, but did not know everything about me. Some could tell I wasn’t showing them all the cards but they didn’t mind. That’s why they liked me. Yes just when someone thought they knew what I was gonna do next I’d go & do something different.

  Anyhow years went by, I prospered as an artist, I had a website, I was part of some crazy on-line gaming squad, Canada had long since backed out of Iraq, but before that happened I knew they would so that is why I chose to recind my application. Just as a little side note my father was in the CF but had long since left. I guess they thought like father, like son, but my political views differ from thsoe of the rest of Canada. Mine are more along the lines of the Americans

  This is where this adventure begins.

  Having gotten it in my brain this was my last chance to join the US army I had begun making preparations to leave within the early months of 2005. My friends said I’d never leave, especially my workmates since we had such a good job. I worked in Natural Areas & we were the envy of most other parks divisions due to the variety of work we did, the locations, & the freedom we had to do things our way.

  Anyhow it soon came to the end of July I had handed in my resignation & was gone. Of course this being Canada & Calgary it did not go smoothly. During the final days of packing a few people didn’t live up to their end of things & I had to do a lot of footwork by myself & hire folks to help out. That threw a wrench into things & I had to stay a couple of extra days to clean my apartment & wait for other things. I crashed at my half-brother’s house. Then one day I left. On the way out of town on foot on my way to the Trans Canada I stumbled upon a parks truck at a gas station taking a break. I knew it was a Natural Areas truck due to the unique tool box that was in the back of the truck. Sure enough Andy & Monty were the occupants & were having coffee. After coffee they gave me a lift to the edge of town & I was gone.

  My trek took me east. My dad had bailed out on me on the last moment due to health conditions of his wife so I couldn’t go to Washington State. I’m glad I didn’t buy a plane ticket. Having not hitch hiked in over a decade & needing to get into better shape for the army I headed out on the road that way. A 35 pound pack & a 15 pound duffle bag would do the trick I thought. 300 feet down the road & I was sweating like a dog & rapidly peeling layers of clothing off. I had done lots of swimming, push ups, sit ups, cycling & stretching surely that would be enough, but I guess not.

  Anyhow I wil continue more with this later on tonight, tommorow, or whenever. I have to organize my stuff & maybe get ready to hit the road again. I have only $140 & some change left, that won’t get me far.