February 2006

  I have not had a decent conversation ever since I left cowtown. Everyone in Manitoba is more stunned than a bag of hammers. Tonight my mom’s friend who has joined us in this prison came in a turned off the burner that I was cooking my sausages on. Like how dumb are these people can’t they even read? The only folks who keep me sane are those who I talk to on-line. If it weren’t for them I’d have gone insane.

All my mom ever talks about is tragedy & how so & so got beat up & how freaking cold it is. Well obviously it will be cold when you live this far north & it’s winter. They don’t call it the tundra or sub-arctic for nothing. Anyhow I am eating my under cooked sausages & typing at the same time. Wow, what skillz I am learning up here in the north. I have to laugh when my mom gets worried when I go for walks in the snow & it’s dark. Hello I’ve been trained in mountain & winter survival. Then she gets all freaked out. There are people wandering the streets. Obviously, where there is a settlement of any kind, there are bound to be folks wandering around from time to time. Anyhow her & her friend make no attempts to engage in any stimulating conversation about anything. Kinda’ sad really. I’d like to learn something of my mom’s side of the familly but she is anti-life, anti-thinking, anti-feeling, anti-everything. What could make someone so bitter. Look at me, despite having thugs sent after me, having gone bankrupt, being targeted by the government & the list goes & on & on & on it just bores me to tears now. I don’t have an anti-life outloook. I celebrate my tradgedies, I celebrate my triumphs moreso, but you get the idea. What the hell is wrong with these people. I guess they just want to be savages. Yeah that’s the thing with natives. It’s the boarding schools, the battle at wounded kneee, & the list goes on & on. Get over it, move on. Yes despite my life being in a shambles I don’t dwell on it so much that incapacitates me or my thinking. These folks do. So if you are some indian or metis like I am, stop your whining about being native or metis & get the hell on with your life you’re are just holding yourselves back & creating & fostering the archetype & sterotype everyone comes to expect.

My mom is also anti-communication she don’t say jack, just those few things I said. It’s like a broken record. She doesn’t even attempt to understand me or my way of thinking. Like so many others she thinks what I say about one thing applies to everything & is permanent. Times change, people, change, views change. Nothing in my world is set in stone. Like old Sun Tzu says, be prepared to adapt formations. Of course my all time favourite saying of his & I include it in some of my sigs, “Strike like lightning, fade like the wind.” Oh how I wish I had brought those treasures with me on this trip. Being in isolation I could have delved into them some more. I have read the Art of War about 10 times over 10 years & each time I did the meanings changed. Anyhow if your are familliar with the book & studying it over a period of time as well as other texts you know what I mean & there is no need to further explain cuz you already know. If you have no clue as to what I am talking about then go pick up a copy & read it 10 times over 10 years atleast. I would have read it more & would continue to do so but I am a computer junkie now. But when my brain gets desperate enough for new food I find some really good book & sink into it. A good book is a like a good orgasm, you want it more & more. I have blown my wad figuritivly speaking several times in my life due to the quality of books. How many times I’ve actually blown my wad to a good porn book also is a figure I can’t exactly guess at either. God bless the porno goddesses of the world. When lack of quality porn is around there is the All Canadian favourite Sears catalouge. That would be an interesting pole to take. How many guys have actually pulled one off to those docile models. I for one know I have once or twice when no good porn could be found. I know that if enough dudes from Canada read this they’d go “You know I fit into that category as well. ” Heck there’s probably even foriegn dignatarities from other countries who have. Some secretary probaly got them flustered while at the embassy, there in the waiting area perhaps lay a Sears catalog.  You get the idea. There was a comedian who included something like this once in one of his skits. What do girl fancy? I know that when I used to leave my gloves around at high school I often caught girls pawing them the way a cat kneads the back of a couch. Then once or twice an exploritory sniff. The girls at dance class in cowtown would often steal my bandannas when I left them lying around. They should have just stolen me it would’ve been much easier & I would have been much more appreciative cause some of them were just smoking to say the least. Anyhow I have added these last few sentences after coming in to do an edit on this post & in saying that set up an obvious transition which subtley leads us back into the original text. Oh but before that actually does happen I must say some of these girls & their cucumbers on the internet are awesome. Good bless them & god bless cucumbers. Yes when you notice your salad has a little more funk to it than it normally has it just might have. Thank god there are no cucumbers in my mom’s place though. It freaks me out when I eat food that I don’t see prepared or doesn’t come from a can or an airtight package. Actually now we delve off into the land of fantasy. I think one of my fantasies would be at dance class then all of a sudden from out of know where all the girls whip out some cucumbers & then all hell breaks lose & the poor cucumbers, actually very fortunate cucumbers must do lewd & liscivious acts. Meanwhile poor old me has to sit there & watch. Interactive theatre is so much fun maybe in may morbid fantasy that would happen who knows. Yes it all gets stale pretty quick. If I am this nutty one can only imagine what female dancers are like. I quite oftne being the only guy around surely has crept into many a young lasses dreams. Yes, incase you haven’t figured it out yet artists are just basically crazy folks. That is a pre-requisite I think for anything or anyone who has develloped some whatever, of course there are the religious nuts as well & the things they produce. Anyhow after this second edit & additional madness we now go back to the original transcipt of tonight’s fabulous post.

Ah yes the midnight snack of champions, sausages & Pepsi. I am kinda wigged out now. I remember the story of the pig farmer out near Vancouver & how he may have cut up his victims & ground them into sausage meat & then sold them. Or something like that. I nibbled on a little piece of gristle. That’s where that morbid thought came from. Or maybe my mom’s friend is a serial killer & they are just keeping me around to fatten me up & some day kill me, lol.

If you want to learn some of the history of northen Manitoba & the wierd things that go on up here a good little rag to get is North Magazine. Actually it might be called something else I will display the way the name is writtten. No actaully I’ll just take a pic & upload it. I’m too lazy to take a pic & monkey around.


                                                        route NORTH roots



Of course this will not display the way I want it too. I should just take a picture. Oh well atleast they don’t have a bestiality festival. I have no desire to even spark up any kinda’ friendship of any sorts with any chick here fearing they might be a distant relative. That’s another thing that gets my goat. My mom says I have a million relatives up here, yet she doesn’t introduce me to any of them or her friends or anyone I might find potentially interesting. She is so cruel, I can’t wait to get out of here & start interacting with people again. These crazy Manitobans are way too neurotic. They are also acronym crazy & there are radio reports on lake water levels. I am surprised they don’t have people counting snowflakes. Yes I know the water levels have to do with hydro & all that but if someone wants to know that let them call a number for that or go to a website or visit the hydro office. There is probably someone out there monitoring how many times I take a dump & the quality of my crap, lol. I have to get out of here, this is like another world. Welcome to the Bunghole, instead of Welcome to the Jungle should be Manitoba’s theme song.



This is just a test post. WP did some kinda update. I still have not figured out how to display my images on this so here I am monkeying around with this one.

I sometimes wonder have I really fucked up

Or is this a stroke of genius

Art is so messy

Especially when coupled with politics & war

Then all the other particulairs

Tye die my brain & slop it out on your floor


The only peace I really find is along the river

Just for a few minutes I can escape

Pretend I am a million miles away & isolated

Even though a million snowmobile tracks strecth this way & that in my field of vision

The trees look like they are lined up

Curious as to why I am there & what I am looking for

The wind forms in distinct layers

Some thin, some thick

Some near, some far

In concert with the trees, snow, sky, & crows

They speak of natures glories


There are no snipers here

They would be foolish to follow me into the land of ice & snow

I can track people sometimes like animals

Winter just makes it so much easier

Every day I survive is one step further into this disaster

But on the other hand

One step closer to getting out of it

I often debate whether or not this is a gift or punishment

After a lifetime of pain & suffering

(Well not always there were plenty of good times, way too many too recall)


Damn I just lost my train of thought

See how easy it is tooo lose foccuss

Don’t ever loose foccuss

I used to pride myself on situational awareness

Those little details


That’s what seperates many people

The sheep from the wolves


The moon tonight reflecting off of the snow warmed my soul

Oh how I love the darkness

Oh how I love the snow

I would like to howl for you

But I’ll leave that to your imagination


I don’t know who is behind me getting stuck in this god awful town but if you are familliar with my prime suspects it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out (incase you’re clueless some form of Canadian government or ageny probably). I should’ve stayed in the US. I went to the FBI to give them my theory on where a certain missing person was & while there told them I was a broke bumb & they should kick me out of the country cuz I had had no money & was stuck. They said nothing really. I should’ve pressed the point more. Like what does that mean? Do you want me to stay? Do other folks in the US government want me stay? Is this a subtle hint? Anyways while trying to get out of the US & back to Canada everyone I met was like “Dude why don’t you stay?” I should’ve. Anyhow I’m now back home in Soviet Canuckistan. Old Comrade Canuck is trying to make my life miserable, but do I really care? Not really, if anything I am soon gonna’ die of boredom. Small towns suck. Small northern towns suck even more. God I need some culture. Not too mention someone to talk too. My mother is a braindead, brainwashed savage who looks like a living corpse. No need for monsters in my life I see one every day. I wonder what sucked the life out of her.

I’ve seen wierdness in many forms but my mom takes the cake. She collects all the plastic containers for food & saves them. Any box she puts somewhere for a future use. She watches a tv from the early 80’s & it is so old it sometimes just blanks out & goes black. Add to that frequently she will sit there & just watch the pictures with no volume on & the radio on. I don’t get that, but when I look at her sometimes it’s like she’s mouthing her own words. What a freakshow. Anyhow my objective is to get out of this lame ass town & go to a larger city like Montreal, I’ve never been there before. Go to some homeless men’s shelter, declare bankruptcy & start to get my life back on track all the way from the bottom. This is what I get for refusing to join the Canadian Forces & pointing out all the terrorists that live in Canada. I get the whole Canadian government trying to ruin my life. Well it’s ruined, are you happy? Maybe I should just go seek asylum in the US or UK.